Revenge of the Nerd
by Magical Who
Summary: The tale of what everyone’s favorite backstabbing prat, Percy Weasley, is up to now. His quest to be forgiven by his family that raises the odd guffaw. PWOC HPGW HR BF
1. The Apocalypse Is Coming!

Revenge of the Nerd

The tale of what everyone's favorite backstabbing prat, Percy Weasley, is up to now. This is the story of his quest to be forgiven by his family that raises an odd guffaw.

Our story picks up from the Hospital Wing after the battle where Bill was maimed. And Harry was just leaving…

"As Hagrid nodded, turned, and shuffled out of the room again, she looked down at Harry. 'Before I meet them I would like a quick word with you, Harry. If you'll come with me…'

Harry stood up, murmured 'See you in a bit' to Ron, Hermione, and Ginny and followed Professor McGonagall back down the ward…" (Pg 625, HBP)

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Luna, Lupin, Tonks, and Fleur were left in silence to stare at Bill. The doors again flew open marking the arrival of Fred and George. The doors clicked closed only to again be thrown open by Charlie. All three were stony faced. This was the cue for Hermione, Luna, Lupin, and Tonks to make their exit. They said solemn goodbyes and headed out of the ward. The new arrivals were filled in on the happenings and again silence settled as all in the room took to their favorite hobby of staring at Bill. (I think Fleur was jealous)

Then for about the billionth time that night the doors were cast aside to reveal the only missing member of the Weasley reunion, Percy Weasley. Everyone looked up in unison and stared as Percy strutted down the ward towards Bill's bed. It seemed Spring had been good to him. He looked a less nerdy and had bulked up a bit.

Mrs. Weasley let out a high-pitched squeal and hugged her perfect prefect son. But the rest of the occupants of the room were less welcoming. Every other member of the Weasley clan looked like someone had died. (Wow….that was tactless.) Mrs. Weasley released Percy from the half-Nelson she was currently holding him in. As he looked around at the rest of them, you could cut the tension with an axe (yeah, it was that thick.)

Percy decided to approach the Weasley that looked the least threatening, this was of course Bill because he was in a coma but he'll take what he can get. Percy walked to Bill's side and put his hand on his shoulder. Bill's eyes flicked open, "Long time, no see. Eh, Perc?" A simultaneous intake of breath was heard from the room; Percy smiled at his eldest brother. "Welcome back, prat" murmured Bill before he fell back into unconsciousness.

No one said anything as Percy continued to stare at Bill. "Do I know you?" Fleur asked Percy. Before Percy could get a word out Fred and George piped in.

"You might-" said George.

"but if you do, I feel sorry for you-" added Fred.

"and we apologize for not picking him off when we had the chance." finished George.

Percy looked like he was expecting this. "Look," he began "I can't apologize enough for how I've been acting these past two years. I made a huge mistake by turning my back on you and not believing Harry and Dumbledore. I was wrong, you were right-"

"I'm sorry, Percy. I don't think I heard you correctly." interrupted George.

"Did perfect prefect butt-kissing arrogant prat Percy just say he was _wrong_?" said Fred.

"And that we, troll-brained Gred and Forge were _right_?"

"Run for shelter-"

"Hide the butterbeer-"

"The apocalypse is coming!"

"I can hear the locust swarms now…"

Percy continued as if he had not been interrupted by a rather comical mocking of himself. "All I can do is tell you that I am truly sorry and hope that you can find it in your hearts to forgive me."

Mrs. Weasley let out a wailing sob of 'Oh, Perc!' so loud and inaudible that it was worthy of Grawp. Percy hugged his mother and again turned to face his family. Mr. Weasley stepped forward and shook Percy's hand with a nod. But no other move was made by anyone else. Ginny was biting her nails, a rather gross habit in Percy's opinion. Fred and George had their hands firmly clasped behind their backs and Ron was playing with his wand.

Charlie looked over Percy then said, "What about the Order?"

Percy had a 'I didn't sign up for this' look on his face but all the same replied, "If there's an opening for an un-loyal git then I'd be happy to fill it."

Charlie smirked and extended his hand to Percy who shook it.


	2. Parsnip Threats

**Revenge of the Nerd **

**Parsnip Threats**

_Four down four to go_, thought Percy as he crawled out of bed the next morning. The previous night had been bittersweet. He had won back his parents and his older brothers. Although they were at least on speaking terms their relationship was by no means fixed, not that he had had that great of a relationship with Bill and Charlie to begin with. They had always labeled him the geek. But that didn't bother Percy, at least not any more…well, at least it wouldn't soon enough. He was back for revenge. Not that kind of 'you murdered my parents when I was a baby and now I'm gonna destroy you and save the world' revenge, no it was a different kind of vendetta.

He had been mocked all his life (mainly by his brothers ((mainly by Fred and George))) for being book smart and proper. Well excuse him for not having detention every Saturday for turning Filch's office into a swamp. But he'd show them. His serious work ethic had paid off and he was going to rub it in all their faces. Percy Weasley had set out for vengeance. And what Percy Weasley set out for he reached.

That was the sweet part of the night. The look on their faces when he had strut (yeah, he actually did strut, he had been practicing in front of the mirror for days) into the ward. There was more to come. But then there was the bitter part of the evening. The relentless mocking from his nefarious twin brothers. They had interrupted his carefully planned apology and picked apart every part of his new appearance. His hair (**George**: _What, did a cow lick you head this morning?_), his glasses (**Fred**: _Rita Skeeter called. She wants her glasses back_), and his shoes (**Fred**: _I see your shoes are tied_. **Percy**: _Uh, yeah._ **George**: _Well, I mean we would expect them to be_. **Fred**: _You being bent over all time_. **George**: _You, know, to kiss peoples butts_.). He had then recalled why he spent most of his time locked in him room safely out of earshot of the Fred and George Variety Show.

But it was a new day and Percy padded down the hall to the kitchen. At the table he found two things. A plate of bacon and eggs, which he reheated with his wand, and a piece of post. Percy sat down and looked at the letter. It was addressed to himself in a scrawl that he recognized rather well. He unrolled it to find a letter from dear old mum. _Goody_.

**Dear Percy,**

**We were so glad to see you last night and we would love to have you to dinner tonight. We're having pot roast!**

**Love Your Family**

and added to the end of the page...

_Hello, Perci-evil. Gred and Forge here. Thought you should know mum forged our names and we are not to be associated with the classifications of 'Your Family' or 'we'. Oh, and we'd also like to add that mum's making parsnips._

Percy instinctively reached for his face, remembering last Christmas. He really didn't want another exfoliating parsnip face mask but he could deal. Mashed vegetables are no match for Percival Weasley

Percy flipped the parchment over and scribbled his response.

_Thank you very much for the invitation. And, if it wouldn't be too much trouble Mother, please set an extra place. There's someone I'd like you to meet._

**A/N**

**OoOoOoOoO. Who could it be?**

**Sry bout the slowness of the update folks.**

**Save Oliver Wood. SendA Review.**


	3. Sincerest Condolences

"Hurry up, honey. You don't want to be late for dinner." She said.

_Actually_…though Percy but he was interrupted when she took his hand and gave him a quick kiss. "It'll be fine. They're your family."

He followed her to the fireplace in the living room and with a swoosh he saw his apartment disappear in green flame to be replace by the Weasley kitchen.

Not much had changed, he noticed, as he scanned the room. It was just like it used to be. Cook books stacked high, potatoes peeling themselves, red heads sitting around a large scrubbed table glaring up at him…Yep, just like old times.

But soon the glowers on their faces turned to looks of shock when they took in the very pretty girl standing next to Percy and holding his hand.

"Everyone," started Percy "this is my fiancé Aubrey. Aubrey, this is my family." Aubrey smiled warmly at the assembly of people in the kitchen.

"Fiancé?" asked Mr. Weasley.

The couple in front of them grinned and Aubrey held out her hand displaying her huge yellow diamond engagement ring.

Everyone stared at them mouths wide open as if trying to catch snowflakes in a horizontal snowstorm. All, that is except Fleur who looked like she was going to tell them that she had called dibs on getting married.

_Revenge is deliciously sweet_, Percy thought beaming at his seemingly inarticulate family.

He knew it had so been worth this moment. He hadn't told his family about Aubrey at all. They had been dating ever since he left home. They had met at work. She was the receptionist at the ministry and he had fell in love with her the moment he laid eyes on her. Actually when he had first seen her he had literally been transfixed. He had stopped and stared in the middle of the lobby until he had heard Mr. Crouch yell, "Weatherby, that caldron bottom paper won't write itself!" From that day on he had winked at her every morning when he checked in and tried to make small talk. After over a month of this she had fell for his charm (Percy's words, not mine) and agreed to go out to dinner with him. Obviously things went well and progressed from there.

And now she was standing next to him in front of his family. His speechless, astonished family. He decided that he liked them better that way…especially Fred and George.

Mrs. Weasley, always predictable, came over to the couple, tears welling in her eyes and squeezed Percy in a bear hug. "Congratulations!" she said moving on the Aubrey and hugging her too, "Welcome to the family."

Percy felt very déjà vu as Mr. Weasley came up to shake his hand and kiss Aubrey on the check. Then came Bill with Fleur and then Charlie. Ginny came up, skipping Percy then hugging Aubrey and said "As a member of the female community I must offer my sincerest condolences."

Aubrey felt distressed until she realized the girl was smiling. "Thanks for taking one for the team." she added then walked away. It seemed the prospect of having a decent sister-in-law had overridden her hatred for the brother she was marrying

Percy gave Aubrey a sideways glance and look that communicated 'yeah, they're all that crazy.'

As it appeared that Fred, George, and Ron were not in a celebratory mood, Mrs. Weasley was merciful enough to announce that dinner was ready and that everyone could sit down. This sadly, was the part he had been dreading. He had actually drawn a map back at home and tried to figure out where he would be safest from impending parsnip catapult attacks. But this dilemma was quickly solved when his mother pushed him into a seat next to her at the head of the table.

The seating arrangements went as follows:

Fred/George/Charlie/Fleur/Bill

--------------**TABLE**-------------Arthur

Ron/Ginny/Aubrey/Percy/Molly

Percy smiled at his mother, always watching out for him…But he still did feel a little uneasy….Fred and George's aim was pretty good …after all they _were_ beaters.

As food was placed on the table and they dug into their meals conversation was sporadic. Mostly people complimenting Mrs. Weasley's cooking. Fred, George, and Ron loaded up on parsnips. Piling large spoonfuls of them onto their plates while glaring straight at Percy in a very threatening manner. Percy shrank back into his seat.

Soon enough an awkward silence fell amongst the occupants of the Weasley kitchen. Percy, knowing this was because of his presence, tried to fill the void. Rather ambitiously he went after the twins who had plenty of ammo.

"Er…so, Fred and George," Percy started, "at work I was issued some of your products. Those shield hats are ingenious."

"Flattery may have worked on Aubrey-" replied George coolly.

"-but it won't get you anywhere with us." finished Fred.

Percy looked crest fallen, but he wouldn't give up. Hogwarts wasn't founded in a day.

He turned towards Ron, "So, Ronald. How 'bout them Chudley Cannons?"

He could tell Ron was fighting the urge to divulge in the Chudley Cannons' first victory in a century, but with a kick under the table from George he restrained himself. "Like you care about Quidditch." Ron grumbled.

Aubrey gave his knee a quick squeeze under the table and he flashed him a half smile.

It was going to be one long night.

A/N- Sorry the last chappie was soo short, this one is a bit longer I think… 

**Will Perc win back the rest of his family? Will he get a facial?**

**Save Oliver Wood. Send A Review.**


	4. Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love

Chapter Four Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love 

_It was going to be one long night_.

For once Percy regretted always being right.

Aubrey, sensing that Percy was getting nowhere with the dinner conversation, decided to have a go. "So, Mrs. Weasley."

"Oh, dear, please call me Molly," said Mrs. Weasley warmly. Fleur looked scandalized; she was still calling her Mrs. Weasley she had been _living_ in her home for months.

Aubrey smiled and continued, "Percy tells me you are a Celestina Warbeck fan. My mother and I were to one of her concerts just last month."

"Zat banshee holds concerts?" Fleur interrupted.

She looked as if she was going to continue her Celestina bashing but Mrs. Weasley cut her off.

"Darling, I am so jealous! She is my favorite singer and I begged Arthur to take me but he had to work." Replied Mrs. Weasley kindly although she was glaring at Fleur.

"Oh, that's too bad, Mrs-…er, Molly. Perhaps next time you would like to join us?" Aubrey said.

The look on both Mrs. Weasley's and Fleur's faces were priceless. Completely opposite…but priceless.

Percy grinned at Aubrey. The best way to make peace with the Weasley kids was to make enemies with Phlegm.

"Oh darling, that would be wonderful!" replied Mrs. Weasley. "Now, do tell us, how did you and Percy become an item?"

Fred and George snorted in unison. "Yes, please do tell us, Perc", started Fred.

"Where on earth did you get a love potion strong enough to make her agree to marry you?" added George.

"-because we would certainly love the recipe-"

"it could be our new best seller-"

"-yes, George, but I don't think something like that belongs in our shop. I'm sure it would fit in better at Borgin and Burkes"

"-all too true, my brother, something that would make you love perfect prefect Percy must be quite dark magic-"

"Come off it," interrupted Ron. At this all eyebrows in the kitchen raised. "What? Mum asked him a question." Ron defended.

Ginny giggled. She seemed to be the only one to realize that Ron wanted dating advice from Percy.

"Well," Percy cleared his throat, "we met at work, you see. She works at the reception desk and every morning for almost a year I'd…ehem, work my charm on her and with persistence like that she couldn't resist."

During this Ron was listening with such rapture that'd you'd think Percy was giving an extremely detailed account of eating a large Christmas dinner. "Does that really work?" asked Ron, but blushed and added "…because, er…you're a git…and she wouldn't like you…" trailing of miserably, when the whole kitchen had turned to stare at him.

Luckily for all present, everyone had finished eating by now and Mrs. Weasley shooed them into the living room so she could get dessert ready. "Can I help, Molly?" asked Aubrey.

"Oh, thank you Aubrey", answered Mrs. Weasley. Percy gave Aubrey a _'How could you leave me like this? There's hot and sharp fire pokers in the living room!' _look to her but she just shrugged and smiled as he was swept out of the kitchen.

Percy sat down in the living room as far from the fire as possible. To his surprise Ron sat down right next to him and while the rest of the family was fighting over what to listen to on the wizarding radio, he mumbled, "So does that whole persistence thing really work?"

He was taken aback by this but replied, "Yeah, it does. Why, is it Hermione?"

Now it was Ron's turn to be surprised by what his brother had asked but he nodded, "Yeah, I just don't know what to do."

"Well, you Ronald have got it a lot easier because yours already likes you." Smiled Percy.

"What?" said Ron

"Oh, come off it Ronald. Everyone knows it. Just finally tell her!"

"Are you sure?"

"One hundred percent. And, to prove it, I'll even make a bet. Even though gambling is highly improper and you should never do it…ten galleons she says 'What took you so long'"

Ron smiled and said, "You're on."

**A/N: OMG. This took eons. I'm really sorry. Hope you like it! 3**


	5. Unprecedented Brilliance

Chapter 5 

_Ron smiled and said, "You're on."_

"You know, Percy." Said Ron, "I think Aubrey's good for you…but you're still a great big git."

"Thanks…_bro_" said Percy, putting out his fist for a 'pound'. Ron snorted but returned the gesture.

By now the family had decided on a particularly jazzy station now playing a song entitled "_My Newt Left Me For My Potion Partner's Salamander_" and Mr. Weasley began to tell a story from work about a pendant that he confiscated that was supposed to ward of Deatheaters but when someone put it on it gave the wearer a peculiarly strong desire to lick their elbow. "So naturally, since it's not possible, people will just walk around with their elbows in the air trying to reach it with their tongue…"

At this everyone burst out laughing at the mental image that had just popped into all of their brains. Fred and George were both doubled over. "That's not funny boys, these things are very serious." The laughter subsided and the twins straightened up. The room was quiet but then a snort was heard from the end of the room. They turned to see Percy with his hand over his mouth clearly trying to contain his laughter, and then he let out another snort and a rather girlish giggle. Then his self-restraint broke down and he started cackling. Ron snorted at his brother and gradually the room was filled with the laughter of the Weasley children, Fleur just rolled her eyes. ('Zo immatur')

"Now kids, this really isn't funny. This is a matter of the security of the wizarding world." Mr. Weasley attempted to gain control of his children, but to no avail.

They were no longer just laughing at the fact that dozens of wizards were walking around trying to lick their elbows but at the fact that Percy, perfect prefect Percy, had not followed instructions. Plus they had never heard him genuinely laugh. They had heard him 'fake laugh' at some corny joke adults made but he had always been the one to keep a straight face. But now…

Percy's eyes were watering and he was literally slapping his knee. He looked across the room and saw Fred and George laughing even harder than himself. Then it came to him. The absolute perfect thing…how could he have not thought of that?

Just then Mrs. Weasley and Aubrey entered the room. "What on Earth, is so funny?" asked Mrs. Weasley.

"Nothing," mumbled the Weasley children in unison as they composed themselves, and as in Ginny's case, picked herself off of the floor.

"Um, I have to go to the bathroom…" said Percy, as he rose from his chair.

"Oh, you mean, the box?" asked Fred.

"The public convenience?" added George

"The mud lumber yard?"

"The pootrified forest?"

"The throne of the septic king?"

"Yep, Numbers 1 & 2 Potty Street." Finished Percy.

Fred and George gazed at Percy then looked at each other. In fact, everyone in the room was having similar reactions. Bathroom jokes were expected from Fred and George, but Percy?

Aubrey was the first to recover and let out a snort. She had never seen this side of him. Grins spread across the faces of the Weasley family. Percy grinned, this was going to work.

Fleur, on the other hand… "Oh, pleaze. You are all zo gross." Bill, mainly because of the sharp veela nails now being driven into his leg, wiped the smile off his face and tried to look disapproving.

"Oh, come on Fleur," said Perc "even you must use ze loo."

At this Fleur's pale complexion turned the color of her fiancé's hair, who, abandoning the pretense of defending his soon to be wife, chuckled.

The glare from Fleur that resulted from this lack of self-restraint caused the whole room to again break out into raucous laughter.

Percy stepped back and observed his handiwork. His whole entire family, _including_ Fred and George were laughing. Not at some joke that had been aimed at himself, not at something lame he has just said, but at a joke that was _meant_ to be funny. _Perhaps they __**should**__ hide the butter beer…_He thought to himself.

After his trip to "ze loo" he joined the others at the table for dessert, Mrs. Weasley's strawberry rhubarb pie. They took the same seats as they had before even though Percy was quite sure the twins were warming up to him, and besides, if he were to have anything catapulted at his face, his mother's strawberry rhubarb pie would probably be it.

"So, Dad." Started George, "How good are those tickets you got from Perkins?"

"Tickets?" asked Mrs. Weasley.

"Oh, yes, Molly dear, I forgot to tell you, Perkins won a whole row for the Canons vs. Puddlemere match next week, but he'll be on vacation in Poland so he gave them to me. They're pretty high up" Arthur answered.

"Good thing, Eh Perc? You'll probably need a pretty good view so that you can understand what's going on…" said Fred

"Yeah, Quidditch never really was your forte, was it Perc?" asked George

"Which I never really understood, to tell you the truth…" said Fred.

"That's a first," mumbled Ron.

"Oi!" shouted Fred, as he sent his knife hurling at Ron's head, which Bill turned into spoon with a wave of his wand so that it still hurt as it hit with a resounding thud but at least Ron wasn't maimed.

Ron was still cursing Fred under his breath, as Fred said "I may think like at troll but at least I don't look like one. Anyway, back to what I was saying before I was so unoriginally interrupted, you would think that Percy would like a game like Quidditch due to all the rules and regulations…"

"Ah" said George, "I'm smelling what your stepping in…Percy does like his rules…"

"But what would it matter-" Percy began.

"Come on now, Perc. Your supposed to be the smart one, no?" interrupted Fred.

"We are obviously forgiving you and saying that you are again part of the family in a subtle and offhand manner…" clarified George. "Why must we always explain ourselves, Fred?"

"Ah, George, it's a occupational hazard of our being so ridiculously intelligent and witty." Answered Fred apathetically.

"Curse our unprecedented brilliance and humor." Added George.

And, as it seemed to be the popular thing to do that evening, the entire kitchen burst into laughter. Even the notoriously surly Fleur looked amused.

Percy leaned back in his chair and smiled, looking around at his chortling family. They had finally welcomed him back and the future amongst them looked even brighter than before. Best of all, he had indeed impressed them with his new appearance, his new fiancé, and his new success in life. The nerd had gotten his revenge.

A/N: Aww, now wasn't that sweet and worth waiting about a billion years for???? 3 Drop a comment, it's what all the cool kids are doing.


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